Erotica Gatherer

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?
At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed..
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and
get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then
when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy
your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous,
then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you
become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby
until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months floating in
luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap,
larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

I rest my case.

Woody Allen

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money.
I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ’special services.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.

Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.”

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,”send me a brother”…
Santa wrote back, “SEND ME YOUR MOTHER”…

3. Importance of a period
Teacher: “Do you know the importance of a period?”
Kid: “Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.”

4. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential? ”
Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential! ”

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

A nice gentleman who caters to their every wish, showers them with flowers, cute gifts, poems and sweet words?

Or a macho man that takes charge of the relationship, and does everything he can to show her that she’s nobody special?

In short a man who becomes a challenge, hard to get and a little mysterious?!

What do you think ??

Public Nudity in the USA

Americans in the USA feel very uncomfortable when confronted with Nudity in public.
Despite the changed views on many aspects, Nudity is still a touchy matter with Americans of all ages. Many other activities that were once considered immoral are now accepted by the public like masturbation, premarital sex, and even homosexuality.
We are very sophisticated today on many other topics but not Nudity. Commercial TV avoids nude scenes (prime time), nursing mothers must hide their breasts while feeding in public, and some universities removed from their art history classrooms reproductions of some nude paintings because professors insisted on being uncomfortable and even offended by it.
Public Nudity is illegal in most states in the USA today, but if it was legal would you go naked in public ???
Vixen

From personal observation in north American culture, it seems that women tend towards homosexuality/ bisexuality more than men.

Anybody that has ever seen an adult movie must have noticed that the vast majority of adult titles contain at least one scene where two or more women have some form of sex. Actually, if one judges solely by observing adult movies, one would get the impression that all human females are at least bisexual and very few men are bisexual or homosexual. Of course, I’m talking about adult movies that are targeted at heterosexual males (which make up the majority of adult titles for now).

Also, from personal observation of people that I’ve been in contact with, it seems that women tend to accept sexual contact with other women more easily than men accepting sexual contact with other men. In my personal circle of friends, I’ve seen quite a few times where women kiss each other on the lips. And I’m talking about women that are going out with guys. Yet, I’ve never seen two guys that are going out with women kiss each other on the lips. I’ve found it fairly easy so far to dare two women into kissing/fondling each other. I’ve never been able to get two men to come even close to doing that.

Why is that?

Is it because of the fundamental physical differences in male and female sexual practices? Or is it caused by the mental difference?

Being a heterosexual male, I cannot even try to imagine kissing another man on the lips, let alone actually do it.

Physically, when a woman has sex with another woman, it’s not that different from having sex with a man. Some activities will be missing, but no real foreign activities are introduced. When a woman is having sex with a man, the insertion of something into her body is a normal part of sex. So if a woman has sex with another woman, the insertion of fingers or toys is similar to having sex with a man.

But for a man to have sex with another man, a new completely foreign activity must be introduced to one of the participants. One of the men (normally) must accept the insertion of something into their body, which is not something that happens when having sex with a woman.

On the other hand, north American culture seems to be more accepting of female bisexuality than male bisexuality.

So, is it something physical, mental, or social that creates this difference between men and women’s acceptance of same sex contact?