Erotica Gatherer

A Kid asks: ‘Daddy? How did I come into this world?
The Daddy Answered: ‘ Well, my child, some day I’ll have to tell you any way,
The Kid asked again: ‘So why not today?’
The Dad Respond: Please, listen carefully:
Mom and Dad met each other in an internet café. In the bathroom of that
café, dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad’s memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we didn’t use any firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus.’

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A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.

Out of breath he asked, ‘Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I’ll explain WHY later.’The nun agreed. Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MP’s disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see I don’t want to go to Iraq.”

The nun said, “I think I can fully understand your fear.”

The soldier added, “I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!”

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls… I don’t want to go to Iraq either…!”

Don’t you think ?!

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of
me life between the legs of me wife!’ That won him the top prize at the
pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night’
She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?’
John said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife.’
‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street
corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize the other night
at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’
She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,
and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?
At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed..
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000″ the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, “By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” said the old man, “But let me tell you about my weekend!”

Who wouldn’t love to be sitting there?