Severe Solutions
Dear Staff,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPE (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by management.
Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle..
Sincerely,
The Management
Gynecologist’s Assistant
A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $75,000, but you’re going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That’s about 620 miles from here.”
“Oh, okay… is that where the job is?”
“No sir – that’s where the end of the line is right now.”
