One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
“Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”
So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her Catholic Groom had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “It’s Lent.”
In tears, she sobbed, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?”
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free.” She answers.
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, “I’m coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.”
Telephone rings at night…
Husband: “If its for me then say that I am not at home”
Wife answers: “He is at home”
Husband: “What the hell?”
Wife: “It was for me.”