Erotica Gatherer

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostitute,” she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.

“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”

“Chicken Farmer it is.”

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her Catholic Groom had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “It’s Lent.”

In tears, she sobbed, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?”

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free.” She answers.

A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he is going, he replies, “I’m coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.”

Telephone rings at night…

Husband: “If its for me then say that I am not at home”

Wife answers: “He is at home”

Husband: “What the hell?”

Wife: “It was for me.”

I’m sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor’s offices on everything from tissues to note pads.
Well,this one should get the prize….

“If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician.”

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”

She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 36DD breasts, 24in waist and 34in hips. When she walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh My God’.”

A lady went to a doctor asking for help with her sex life.

“Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra?” asked the doctor.

“He wont even take an asprin. He hates pills.”

“Just put it in his coffee he will never know, and come back in a week and tell me how things went.”

The next week, she came back and she was not happy.

“Was the sex not good?” asked the doctor.

“No it was the best sex I’ve ever had! I put it in his coffee like you said. He had one sip then he got this look of fire in his eyes. He pushed everything off the table and made love to me right there on the table!”

“Well, what’s wrong then?” asked the doctor.

“I’ll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again!”