Not all blondes are stupid
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m ‘completely nude’.”
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…
“YES, YES, I WON, I WON!”
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid… Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.
Viagra
A lady went to a doctor asking for help with her sex life.
“Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra?”
asked the doctor.
“He wont even take an asprin. He hates pills.”
“Just put it in his coffee he will never know. and come
back in a week and tell me how things
went.”
The next week, she came back and she was not
happy.
“Was the sex not good?” asked the doctor.
“No it was the best sex I’ve ever had! I put it in
his coffee like you said.
He had one sip then he got this look of fire in his
eyes.
He pushed everything off the table and made love to me
right there on the table!”
“Well, what’s wrong then?” asked the doctor.
“I’ll never be able to show my face in Starbucks
again!”
Happy New Year Joke
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to for a fancy New Year’s Eve costume party… Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt, socks, or shoes on.
“What the hell are you supposed to be?” asked the host.
“A premature ejaculation,” said the man. “I just came in my pants!”
Santa’s Gift
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
‘Nice bike,’ the cop said. ‘Did Santa bring it to you?’
‘Yes Sir,’ the little girl said, ‘he sure did!’
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, ‘Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!’
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, ‘Nice horse you’ve got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?’
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, ‘Yes, he sure did!’
The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
‘Next year tell Santa: The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top. ‘
