Erotica Gatherer

The following is an actual question given on a midterm.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

This student received an A+. Unfortunately, he is probably going to Hell…

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

‘Yes, Nurse Tracy ,’ said Mr. Wallace.

‘My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.’

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.’

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. ‘Mr. Wallace,’ she said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.’

‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr. Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy, ‘you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?’

‘Well,’ he replied, ‘Today is the viewing.’

The French say ‘Cherchez la femme’ which means ‘Look for the woman’. The more common saying is ‘Behind every great man there is a woman (and behind every loser too)’. In my experience, this is generally true.

I just read a story that illustrates this to a great extent. The story is Just like that! by Daghda Jim at storiesonline.

Roland, or Rollie, comes home to find a most hurtful letter from the wife who just left him with his supposedly best friend. It devastates him.

For ten days he’s feeling like shit and decides to seek some feedback on the stuff that his wife said in her letter. Who else other than Betty for the task?

When he asks Betty to give him her opinion, a whole new world opens in front of him. I won’t leave any spoilers here, so you’ll have to read the story to find out Betty’s effect on Rollie’s life.

Excellent story. Definitely Two thumbs up.

A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD’S.

A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady’s breasts and spills all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of her breasts.

This happens a couple more times.

The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He’s laying on the floor moaning and groaning.

‘Why do you let the bartender do it?’

‘Because he has………….A LICKER LICENSE!

And you thought you had seen it all, here’s a ’safe sex’ dress!

Pretty original, to say the least…

At the end of tax year, the IRS sent a revenue agent to examine / audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: ‘I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?

‘Good question,’ noted the Rabbi. ‘We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.’

‘Oh,’ replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious
way: ‘What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?’

‘Ah, yes,’ replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. ‘We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.’

‘I see,’ replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. ‘Well, Rabbi,’ he went on, ‘what do
you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions
you perform?’

‘Here, too, we do not waste,’ answered the Rabbi. ‘What we do is
save up all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about
once a year they send us a complete dick ‘.

A Kid asks: ‘Daddy? How did I come into this world?
The Daddy Answered: ‘ Well, my child, some day I’ll have to tell you any way,
The Kid asked again: ‘So why not today?’
The Dad Respond: Please, listen carefully:
Mom and Dad met each other in an internet café. In the bathroom of that
café, dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad’s memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we didn’t use any firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus.’

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