Lent

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her Catholic Groom had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “It’s Lent.”

In tears, she sobbed, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?”

Asking for a Raise

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  1. I do physical labor.
  2. I work at great depths.
  3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
  4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
  5. I work in a damp environment.
  6. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
  7. I work in high temperatures.
  8. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
  2. You fall asleep after brief work periods.
  3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
  4. You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
  5. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
  6. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.
  7. You will retire well before you are 65.
  8. You are unable to work double shifts.
  9. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..
  10. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Nude Runner

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

“I can’t jump out the window; It’s raining out there!”

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free!”

Another runner moved along side. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Nope …just when it’s raining.”

Interview For Visa

A Saudi was being interviewed at the US Embassy to obtain visa:

Consul: Your name please?

Saudi: Abdul-Aziz

Consul: Sex?

Saudi: Six time a week!

Consul: I mean Male or female?

Saudi: Both male and female sometime even Camels!

Consul: Holy Cow!

Saudi: Yes, Cows & dogs too…

Consul: Man, isn’t that hostile?

Saudi: Horse style, dog style, any style!

Consul: Oh dear!

Saudi: Deer? No deer, they run too fast!