Why do women tend to be more bisexually oriented than men?

From personal observation in north American culture, it seems that women tend towards homosexuality/ bisexuality more than men.

Anybody that has ever seen an adult movie must have noticed that the vast majority of adult titles contain at least one scene where two or more women have some form of sex. Actually, if one judges solely by observing adult movies, one would get the impression that all human females are at least bisexual and very few men are bisexual or homosexual. Of course, I’m talking about adult movies that are targeted at heterosexual males (which make up the majority of adult titles for now).

Also, from personal observation of people that I’ve been in contact with, it seems that women tend to accept sexual contact with other women more easily than men accepting sexual contact with other men. In my personal circle of friends, I’ve seen quite a few times where women kiss each other on the lips. And I’m talking about women that are going out with guys. Yet, I’ve never seen two guys that are going out with women kiss each other on the lips. I’ve found it fairly easy so far to dare two women into kissing/fondling each other. I’ve never been able to get two men to come even close to doing that.

Why is that?

Is it because of the fundamental physical differences in male and female sexual practices? Or is it caused by the mental difference?

Being a heterosexual male, I cannot even try to imagine kissing another man on the lips, let alone actually do it.

Physically, when a woman has sex with another woman, it’s not that different from having sex with a man. Some activities will be missing, but no real foreign activities are introduced. When a woman is having sex with a man, the insertion of something into her body is a normal part of sex. So if a woman has sex with another woman, the insertion of fingers or toys is similar to having sex with a man.

But for a man to have sex with another man, a new completely foreign activity must be introduced to one of the participants. One of the men (normally) must accept the insertion of something into their body, which is not something that happens when having sex with a woman.

On the other hand, north American culture seems to be more accepting of female bisexuality than male bisexuality.

So, is it something physical, mental, or social that creates this difference between men and women’s acceptance of same sex contact?

Published by

John JJ. Clark

Too opinionated for my own good

44 thoughts on “Why do women tend to be more bisexually oriented than men?”

  1. I’ve heard some interesting theories about this. The most believable one that I’ve heard and added to was that in Athenian times (ancient Greece), the male figure was considered beauty. Homosexual acts were accepted and expected. Look at Grecian art, mythology, and how it was poised through the romans to spread it’s ideals. But in modern times, the focal point of beauty is the woman. Therefore, lesbian acts are accepted and… expected to happen sooner or later. Even if it’s just by a lot of horny guys who have an enormous amount of buying power when aroused, keeping this point of beauty firmly focused through money. Money is Lesbian’s Rome. It keeps it popular, and through the lure of a quick buck spreads to other countries, and so the cycle continues.

    That’s my early morning rantings and ravings.

    Be seeing you.

  2. I’m pretty limited, I guess, in responding to this, being an old and long-married guy. Maybe the young gals are more open to f/f stuff. I’ll put two observations out for discussion.

    The first: it was late one evening, I was flipping around with the remote, and stopped on the “Life” channel. The scene was two quite hot 20-something blonde gals necking. My wife said, “change the channel or I’ll leave the room.” I’d never heard her say anything like that before, but her reaction was no different than mine would have been if it had been two guys. Surprised the heck out of me, since I’d always found her to be very liberal.

    The second: a female cousin, way way less conventional than my wife, who I would have thought would be pretty open minded about f/f stuff — not that she’s not into guys, but she’s lived a pretty unconventional life. We were talking about a vid from a club, some of the scenes including girls kissing girls. Her reaction was, politely, Uggh. And her comment was that the girls were only doing it to get the guys’ attention (which it no doubt did!).

    Small sample, and certainly not from the 18-28 age group that you’re probably interested in. But maybe it says that the f/f stuff we’re seeing is motivated by something other than inclination?

    FWIW

  3. I think that one of the reasons is the fragile male ego. Men takes his manliness very seriously. They won’t take the risk to be teased about it.

  4. I think you will find that this is cultural rather than anything else. If you ever visit Turkey, or Greece, or any of the Arab countries, you will find normal heterosexual males routinely greeting and parting with a kiss with each other. Anglosaxon males seem particularly put off by this.

    I and my life partner spent some years working in Central Europe, where men who know each other or are accompanied by their wives / girlfriends, when leaving after a visit give the ladies in the group a double kiss (left and right side face kiss, in some circles it might be even a triple kiss, and hug)and the men give each other a hug. My partner came with me to visit friends and relatives in England, and horrified and shocked some British men when he hugged them goodbye!

    There are differences between countries on mainland Europe too – roughly-speaking, the further south and further east you go, the more demonstratively emotional people are. Russian, Polish and Hungarian men frequently hug each other emotionally when they meet, and even kiss.

    There is a tendency for younger males to be less demonstrative, colder and more anglo-american in their behaviour, too. This does NOT apply in Greece and the SE corner of Europe though – young, pupescent males frquently walk along holding hands or arm in arm. This is seen even more commonly in the Indian sub-continent. (It was common in the UK when I was growing up, but that was a long time ago and I have not seen it there for many years.)

    I have been assured by several males from these countries that there is no homosexuality implied – they are just being friendy.

    In the UK and Western Europe, both girls and boys experiment with their own sex, in a softly homosexual manner, as a normal part of growing up. Many of them do this as part of their developing fantasies about the opposite sex. There are frequently situations where children are sexually segregated, in boarding schools, on field trips, going camping in school or club outings, and such like, or in the changing rooms of games matches against other schools or clubs, where same sex foreplay is played. Personal observation of humans over longer than 65 years leads me to believe that all this is normal and widespread, and that individuals who were denied such experiences as children grow up less emotionally stable and mature than those who did experience this stage of growing up.

    Similarly, the practice of exploratory foreplay between siblings, of either same or opposite sex, is widespread but a tabu subject for most adults. Again, I have not found it to lead to any harm and find those who missed out deprived rather than those who experienced it being damaged. I think it is normal for people growing up. It usually ends by mid teens. (My brother and I were caught in bed together playing doctor in our mid-teens, by our mother. We were shouted at and he made to go back to his room. Being the girl I was blamed for enticing him, although my brother was the elder, but next morning nothing more was said about the incident. We still played sometimes afterwards, until he went off to school, and met a girl his own age.)

    Male homosexuality is less well tolerated by “normal” society in the UK and most of Europe, than female homo- or bisexuality, still. This is mainly historical for the uk – the laws prohibiting homosexuality were written, during the early reign of Queen Victoria, and she had to sign the Acts of Parliament for them to become Law, and she read them through, and refused to include acts between women as she maintained that “women do not do things like that!”. So she crossed all that part out, and therefore lesbianism was never illegal in the UK although therafter male homosexuality was punishable as a crime in the UK, until about the 1950s or 1960s, when it was permitted in private between consenting males over 30 years of age. This age limit was still later lowered.

    It is also illegal still for children under 16 in the UK to make love, but they do – a girl of 12 recently became the youngest mother in Britain. The boy who fathered the child was technically guilty of statutary rape but received councilling and the pair want to marry when old enough (@ 17.

    Hope that was interesting!

    Briar

  5. Interesting observations. Also, males generally have only so many cartidges in the gun before they have to wait and recover.

    Not that it’s the same, but isn’t one of the Catholic teachings against masterbation the “wasting” of seed? That’s the feeling *I* tend to get regarding male-male (and I’m not Catholic).

  6. Social, I would think.

    There is a huge social stigma for men (especially young men) about male-male sex. The homophobia is ingrained into men at an early age, from calling anything people thing is lame “Gay” to using homosexual taunts to demean someone.

    But two women together is not viewed the same way.

    Maybe part of the “why” to all of this is the fact that men view a homosexual man with trepidation if they are straight. They are immediately afraid that the guy is going to want sex with them. But women have normally taken sex as a more emotional act, and therefor they don’t feel the same perceived pressure from a homosexual female.

    Besides, for porn, there is the inherent factor of two supposedly beautiful women (I say supposedly because most porn actresses are plain if not downright fugly) that are hot and horny, and there is no guy there to ruin the imagery. It makes it easier to visualize being in the room with them, instead of watching some guy fuck them. It’s why the use of a strap-on seems to turn guys on, because they can imagine that the girls only lack a guy to help them out, and they could be that guy.

    Personally, I loved watching a FF scene in a porno because I hoped to learn something about how two women loved one another, and put some of that to use when I finally got laid. But what most porn videos fail to capture is the sensuality that happens between most women. They don’t hop to it; they take their time seducing each other. But guys don’t want to watch the girls kissing each other and taking a half hour to strip one another. They want to see fingers and tongues inserted into pussies, so that is what most porn gives them.

  7. I don’t agree that women tend to be more bisexual than men. I think bisexuality falls about evenly divided between men and women. At the bisexuality support groups that I am aware of, men far outnumber women. The vast majority of the media is created by and for heterosexual people, and I think female bisexuality is more acceptable and is portrayed a bazillion times more frequently than male bisexuality. Sex between males has always been more vigorously persecuted than that between women. Men who sometimes think about having sex with other men will suppress the thought, either to avoid approbation or self hatred. Men are less willing to admit to same sex desires. If bisexual, it’s simplier easier to get along in society if a man ignores the side of himself that longs for other men. Most bisexual people, I understand, don’t want sex with both genders promiscuously, they just may be as apt to have a relationship with one person at a time of either gender. Further, there is far more mention of straight men having fantasies about bi women, than straight women having fantasies about bi men.

  8. Women’s bodies are a lot more pleasing than men’s. They’re smoother, softer and less hairy. Women have more receptor sites and can receive pleasure in more ways than men.

    Just a late-night opinion.

  9. This is strictly societal. People in the U.S.
    have yet to get unstuck from Victorian era
    morals – even though the English have
    readily moved on.

    In Spain, you are only considered a gay male
    if you are the one being penetrated.
    Prostitutes may be men with breast implants.

    If you haven’t gotten two men to kiss then you
    haven’t been around many bisexual men.

    Historically, several societies only viewed
    sex between men and women as necessary for
    having children – men had sexual relationships
    with other men (or boys) for pleasure.

  10. It’s definitely cultural. Quite why modern British and American men have this hangup about showing emotion with other men I don’t know. Perhaps more of us bisexaul men should have the courage of our convictions and start showing our feelings in public.

  11. It’s all social. North American/Western males have been steeped in the “no touch” male bonding cycle since they’ve been in the womb.

    “Real men” type homilies have sunk in so deep into the psyche that even the, what – not so real men?, have the same attributes. If you look at other cultures, particularly middle eastern, you’ll see what we view as feminine traits all the time. Kissing as a greeting. Demonstrative emotional outbursts like crying.

    Most males perceive this as “faggy” even though there’s no sexual content to it at all.

    We’ve been humiliated out of showing our emotions. Any male-to-male touching is considered “bad touch”. Close male contact is suspect. Is it any wonder we’re so screwed up?

    OTOH, women on women is just cool. :)

  12. Porn movies have far more female bisexuality than male bisexuality because females doing it together is a popular male fantasy. They hit their target audience like any other good marketer.

    To confuse the subject with facts, I’ll quote from “Sex in America”, published by Little, Brown and written by R. T. Michael et al. Only about 1.4% of women and 2.8% of men identified themselves as homosexuial or bisexual.

  13. I’m in to the numbers and the idea of serving a market. If most of the films and videos are sold to males, then successul sellers will put up stories that target males would like. I don’t personally mind seeing two guys get it on, but I do like seeing two ravishing females kiss each other and stroke sensitive parts. I mean, that’s the little thingy I want to lick, too.

    So, to me, the big question is what kinds of erotic videos/films would turn on the women? Everything I read says it isn’t the 12″ dick, always.

    Sorry, mine isn’t 12″ and doesn’t recover in fifteen seconds.

    I strive to write stories that will make women wet. Pure and simple. Feedback on my success is generally, but not universally, favorable. My favorite was the one who said, “I had to stop twice in the middle of reading to take care of myself.

    So, I suggest that the majority of customers of the porn flicks are male. OBTW, I read that the average time for watching a porn flick in a hotel room was 8 minutes or so. I guess that’s long enough for him to get it up.

    I like to watch women. I buy porn flicks occasionally. Some are OK. I always liked Misty Beethoven.

    It’s all in the numbers.

    JCM

  14. My wife and I have been into wife sharing for over thirty years. In that time, we’ve had maybe fifty different men in our bed with us.

    I tried a little bi action early on at my wife’s instigation and liked it. It didn’t turn my wrists limp or give me an instant lisp. I discovered that homophobia is all in the mind of the beholder. The practical application of man pleasing man was…well, pleasing.

    Over the years, we’ve met and fucked with a variety of nice guys. Most of them, when comfortable enough to talk about fantasies and such, don’t mind revealing a curiousity about, or desire to experiment with, the bi side of life. Some have had experiences before we met them, some have not. With two or three exceptions, our friends have enjoyed some level of overt male to male sex with me while spending time with us. Some giving, some receiving, mostly both.

    My wife loves it.

    I think that the strongest feelings against having “gay” relationships is the fear of being found out by what is perceived as a society hostile to gays. Not so much the self image that goes with it or aversion to the acts involved.

    I will admit that my sample group has been skewed abit. Any man that enters into a threesome relationship with a couple is probably much more adventursome than his celebate or monogamous brethren.

  15. I consider myself a non-stereotypical lesbian. I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t surprised by my sexual orientation. This isn’t a result of some conscious attempt to deceive…more of a personality trait that mirrors my mother.

    I met very few girls or women who are completely turned off by my subtle lesbian advances. For certain they didn’t all fall in bed with me, in fact most didn’t, but neither did they run away in terror. I think, deep down, they’re appreciative of being disired, even from someone of the same sex. And if you are lucky enough to hit on them at the right time, right place, and the right frame of mind, you may be fortunate to have sex with a first timer. It may be their last and only time they’ll have sex with another woman, but it will be you they experience it with.

    My philosophy is if you don’t ask, you don’t receive. This is not to say I walk up to someone and ask if they’ll have sex with me…my approach is more subtle and refined than that, but I’m assuming you get my meaning. Sometimes it takes just hours, other times it takes days, even weeks to gently move them to the right frame of mind. Sometimes I think the long seduction in more pleasurable than the sex act itself…

    The easy ones are women who have thought about it many times, the opportunity never presented itself to them. They are so assimilated in their hetrosexual world they appear unapproachable. I’ve found that these are the women with the kinky fetishes…

    I occasionally will fuck a man if he has an extremely large cock. I’ve never tried to analyze this particular quirk of mine, but a clean, reasonably attractive man with a large dick turns me on. I’m sure some men reading this will be curious as to what I consider large. Eight inches, or more…and thick…that’s my idea of a desirous cock. I don’t care for an uncircumsized cock either. Most men are pigs, and an uncircumsized cock not properly cleaned is an absolute turn off to me.

    I’ve only done a three way with a married couple twice. In both instances the wives were beautiful, and my entire interest was in them. But, in both cases, I allowed the husband to fuck me, really just because they was there and allowing me to have sex with his wife. One of the husbands was well endowed, and not surprisingly, I had an orgasm with him…

    My choice of women vary, but by and large I think I’m attracted to any woman that is also attractive to men. Consequently, butch dykes are not my cup of tea. They tend to be male wannabes without the cock. I’m attracted to very effeminate women…

    I’m also drawn to women in power, take charge women who have some degree of intelligence. I become extremely submissive with this type of woman…otherwise, I’m usually the dominate female in most of my relationships.

    I don’t particularly like toys, the exception being the large rubber, life like cocks. I don’t use them on myself, but I will let other women use them on me, especially if I’m the submissive in the relationship.

    I’ve never been in love with a woman. I enjoy their companionship and sexual relations. I’ve had women love me, and express it in no uncertain terms, but I’ve never been able to reciprocate. If a relationship I’m in ends, I move on. No tears, no regrets. I can’t say that about some of the women I’ve ended relationships with.

    My dad was the most loving and supporting father a girl could ever have. I love him with all my heart. Curiously, when I was 16, I fantacized about fucking him. I always thought it strange I could even imagine having sex with him. Fortunately that odd phase in my life came and went…but I’m still curious about it.

    I’ve done a lot of kinky things in my life, none of which I feel guilty or ashamed about. Some things I did for my own pleasure, other things for my partners pleasure. I’m sure they would be considered sick in some circles, but in the heat of the moment, I think everyone is susceptable to almost anything when yearning for that moment of pleasure.

  16. A woman once told me,
    “No matter how good you are, NO ONE can eat pussy like another woman”
    So I guess, if you enjoy getting oral, you
    would naturally go for the best.

  17. The stats given by EZ are the best available, nevertheless, you see much more same-sex contact between women than men. Part of it, I’m sure, is that women are more emotionally demonstrative than men. But also we’ve come to encourage and expect women to have such contact.

  18. I think the explanation is fairly simple. Whether you are man or woman, one thing is certain: your mother was a woman. Thus, from our very birth, almost all humans experience intimate physical contact with a woman. It is our first intimate contact and our most consistent. As a consequence, men and women are reasonably comfortable with intimate contact with women.

  19. This is what I think. Women are more vocal about expressing their sexuality. That’s does not mean that men are less prone to be bisexual, but they are less inclined to talk about it openly. Do NOT make men out to be this mysterious foreign entitiy. They are human beings just like women, prone to the same social pressures as women are.

  20. I’m sure there are complex psychological reasons, but never mind them: it’s all in the heterosexual male mind and upbringing. In all the hetero porno novels I’ve read, if there are two hot couples having sex, and the men get tired, the two women will have lesbian sex – but are not gay, the text always emphasises! However, if the two men ever find themselves alone with each other, and horny, they will never have sex – that would be queer – ugh!! Porno mags for straight guys love to feature women having sex, but never show men being tender towards each other. Macho bull!

  21. As a hetrosexual male, who actually enjoys the girl-girl scenes in adult films, I have to say that the best response to this question was from Paul Rieser in an episode of “Mad About You”. When his wife asked him why straight guys like lesbian scenes in porn, he answered “Beacause they’re having fun, and I agree with them both”.

  22. I think it is all social, cultural, educational…you name it. Even preserving the species is important too, from the old evolutive part of the memory. But nowadays, its all about not being man enough¡. Nonsense. I am convinced that sex roles do not define gender. That would be far too simple, but we have been tought that way.

  23. I believe it’s all a cultural evolution.

    Being an (generally) young Dutch openly gay male myself, I still do not flaunt my tendencies. Most people do not notice. When I and my partner of 6 years occasionally show affection in public, we get called names, get laughed at or see people turn pale on us, but I always keep a fairly natural attitude. That seems to work for me, especially when not in public. As I do not make a fuss about it, it would seem very out of place if others would. However, I never start on the subject myself, and give only hints. It happened to me once that a new friend of mine, the only person in the group that was not aware of my being gay, asked about my girlfriend. I asked him, what girlfriend?, and he replied: well, as you were talking about your inlaws, you must have a girlfriend. Everyone burst out into laughter and he felt a little embarassed. It was just funny, not painful.

    BTW, if you count the amount of replies to this post, I think you have a fairly representative cross-section of human kind. Mostly straight men and women, some bi and even less gay. Funny thing.

  24. being a male that has had some sexual contact with other males. I believe that it is more common for a man to have had sexual contact with another male more likely even as a teenager then as an adult. Women are more open minded about it. Even I would much rather see two women together then two men. From the limited sample of people that will openly discuss this issue with me, I think that men are twice as likely to have had sexual contact with the same sex. Women are 4 times more likely to admit it. Therefore it would appear to a casual observer that women are twice as likely to be envolved with someone of the same sex. If you are talking about just kissing or being affectionate I’m sure women are much more likely or open about that. Talking to young women these days that identify themselves as Bisexual it seems that they have often only really had sex with a guy IF at all. but want to be ‘cool’ and have ‘girlfreinds’ that they make out with etc.

  25. had first bi exp when i was 13 he was a older friewnd of the family.the first time ask me about girls i was only playing with my sef-lf and told him so. we ended playing with oursels the first time. he was vwey large. about a month later i spent the night at their house. we were going fishing the next morning. he taught me what bi was about.

  26. I think it starts with the fact that women are in general more attractive physically. They are also much more open in expressing themselves openly. Open and easy communication is almost a defining part of intimacy.

  27. I believe it is because of the insertion. While I am aroused by both men and women, I do not find myself wanting to have sex with another man. I would kiss men, and have relationships both romantic and platonic, yet sex in itself I do not find appealing. Of course I don’t vanilla sex with women very appealing either, so maybe I’m just fucked up.

  28. Competition is the answer.

    In the reproduction stakes males compete with each other to pass thier genes to the next generation so if you have a group of guys chasing 1 girl then only 1 guy can impregnate her. On the other hand if you have a group of girls chsing a guy he can impregnate all of them so there is less competition. Reality lies between the two extremes.

  29. At the end of the day, I think it’s a little more primitive than that.

    Women are, by nature, social. Men are, by nature, competitive. Women, to other women, are companions already. Women, to men are the prize.

    Men, to other men, are the enemy. Men, to women, are the facilitator of a basic biological urge.

    It gets veneered with society and culture, but at the core, men are out to keep other men away, and women are out to keep people – any people – close by.

    M.

  30. Give me a break. Adult films are hardly a realistic place to get any stats from. So-called “lesbian scenes” in porn geared towards men is because a lot of het men get hot about it, & the actresses get paid to perform it before the camera for them. Most real lesbians wouldn’t be caught dead having sex just to titillate male wankers – the exception being those who make their living that way (sex workers, including porn actresses).

    A continual security problem in lesbian email groups: screening to keep the male masturbators out.

  31. A recent study shows that 28% of women are either bi or lesbian, if anyone’s interested in actual numbers.

    It’s interesting too that we are descended from bonobo chimpanzes, almost all of whose females are bi-sexual and with an equally low number of males (5%) being bi. Observers note that a male and female will often compete for the same female in the wild.

    According to some sociologists and feminists the sexual difference and problems between human men and women lies largely in the fact that women define themselves positively as nurturers and mothers among other things, and their femininity is far more creatively displayed than men’s masculinity because men define themselves negatively as ‘not-a-woman’. Hence to be a ‘man’ is to have no feminine characteristics at all, if possible.

    In ancient Greece and Rome it was okay to fuck a homosexual but it was the greatest of social faux pas’s to be fucked by one.
    Lacking a positive identity for themselves
    men are therefore appalled by men who take on feminine traits or roles. As women continue to occupy positions now of power and responsibilty and take over many of the jobs once done only by males their sense of identity is further jeopordized and diminished, leaving them to ask just what it is to be a ‘man’ anymore?

    Traditionally men have been the hunters and protectors but those roles have diminished greatly as civilization advances, and many men find themselves now having a serious identity crisis. Some react with rage at the newly aquired power and built in meaning (to help create and bring new life into the world) that women’s lives have and that theirs now lack. Others adjust and take up the challenge of defining their masculinity in positive terms. Regardless, this results in men having no problem condoning women to have sex with each other (especially if it’s done for the males benefit)as it poses no direct threat to their identity as ‘not-a-woman’. Male bi and homosexuality certainly does and triggers very deep atavistic responses of first fear, then disgust, and moving from there sometimes to rage and violence.

  32. i wonder at so many responses that seem to completely disregard the idea that many men (myself included) have absolutely NO interest or desire for other men in any context other than platonic friendship. and many women feel the same towards other women. perhaps my perception is false, but it seems as if everyone is alluding to the idea that if it werent for culture and society that all of us would be running around boinking same and opposite sex at random. my aversion to sexual contact with other men has nothing to do with taboo and everything to do with me finding the male form in the context of my own sexual activities as revolting. i would no sooner fuck a slug than a man…its women that make me stupid with desire not men. it isnt homosexuality that bothers me…its the thought of ME being intimate with another man that bothers me.

    is it so hard to simply except the fact that some people are attracted to the same sex and others are not?

    while culture and society can be big influences with regard to sexuality, perhaps it is really time for us to simply accept the idea that some people simply have no sexual interest in the same sex.

    responding to Star and particularly the lsat paragraph i would put this forward for consideration:
    maybe instead of “civilization advances” we could say “civilization changes”.

    i say this because the scrambling of traditional and biological roles may not necesarily be “advancement”.

    many traditions in history have been harmful and correctly put to their deaths, but i have to wonder if the entire debate about bi/homosexuality isnt just another way for people who feel guilt over their choices to “justify” them.
    Folks, do what you like and let others feel guilt. as long as two consenting adults are involved their isnt anything to feel guilty about.

  33. I’m not sure that women are more prone to bi sexuality or homosexuality. I think that the compulsory girl on girl action in porn movies is because thats what guys want to see and it really turns them on. I’ll bet most of the actresses who do these movies are not bi-sexual but are only doing what the director wants

  34. “One of the men (normally) must accept the insertion of something into their body, which is not something that happens when having sex with a woman.”

    It does at my house…

  35. First let me state that I am a married heterosexual male. Among my many friendships I have two married male heterosexual friends who are comfortable exchanging non-sexual kisses on the lips with me. We believe that the traditional handshake does not go far enough to show how deep our friendships are. What is interesting is, in each case, the first time we kissed it just happened. Neither one of us forced a lip lock on the other. And in each case we just continued the practice as something “expected” as a greeting or a departing jesture. All the wives are OK with it, although because of societal standards we do not exchange this token of friendship in public.

  36. Contrary to popular opinion, MOST gay men do NOT engage in anal sex. Only about 40% (according to the last survey I’ve seen on the subject). So the theory that guys don’t like “New” sex doesn’t fit. Of course, MOST people of ALL genders tend to be afraid of anal sex, so the implied threat of that probably does make a difference.
    The aversion of straight guys to gay/bi sex seems to be more tied into an implied threat to their masculinity and sense of self. Women tend to not define themselves by an aversion to homosexuality. For the most part though, I think women are just more used to seeing, hearing, and viewing f-f relations since it’s now in the media almost constantly.
    Personally, I’ve dabbled in it on occassion. I tend to find the penis a LOT like breasts. They’re REALLY great things to play with since they fit so handily in the hand and are so EASY to play with. Course, if anyone waved one too near my ass I’d run for the hills!

  37. I remember a comedy sketch where two men were being surveyed about their sexual histories and practices. The survey taker asked if either of the men had had a homosexual experience, and both said ‘no’. Then the surveyor asked ‘not even at camp?’, and both men said ‘oh, well sure, at camp.’

    I think homosexual experimentation at a young age is relatively common amoung people of both genders, but physical intimacy tends to be intentionally cut off between men around the age of puberty. There seems to be two conversations going on here – one about sex, and the other about intimate affection. I don’t think that more women are necessarily *sexually* attracted to one another than men are, I just think that they’re more comfortable and accepted as being physically intimate with one another (i.e., holding hands, cuddling, kissing). In response to the very heterosexual guy, I think you’re right in that most people aren’t sexually attracted to members of their own gender; but I also think that it’s mostly in men that the violent/fearful aversion to intimate contact is seen.

    By the way: 28%?! I think that statistic may have been for how many women have had or would consider having a homosexual experience. I don’t think that one of every four women I know is as likely to end up in a relationship with another woman as she is to be in one with a guy.

    I do find the idea about all people, when infants, having intimate physical contact with their mothers is interesting. To further the ‘nature vs. nurture’ idea, it also seems to be true that fathers are expected to stop being physically loving to their sons at a very early age. In many cases it seems that whereas mothers continue to kiss and hold their children of both genders basically as long as they’ll let her, fathers and sons are often reduced to the occasional hug goodbye or handshake by the age of 8 or so. I think the last time my dad kissed me on the lips was when I was about 10, and I could already pick up on the “I don’t know if this is okay” vibe from him.

    I don’t think penetration has much to do with it. The ‘okay vs. not-okay’ judgement is made long before actual intercourse is even a remote possibility. If penetration was the issue then men would be perfectly fine being as loving to one another as women are, but only women would get to the sex. Obviously not the case.

    Oh, and the reproduction thing makes no sense either. Ecological success is based on two factors: the gain or loss of energy (calories), and the possible propagation of one’s genes. Since no one is gonna get pregnant from a homosexual experience, and since nothing is lost in terms of energy or possible gene propagation for either gender, then there’s no reason bi-sexuality would be more desirable for one gender than the other. I suppose if you mean that in chasing each other, males have less time to chase females, that’s marginally true, but it doesn’t hold much water unless men were spending a ton of time trying to impress one another – sex itself “wastes” nothing more than a bit of time and some semen, which is of course “wasted” all the time anyway…

    By the way… I’d take The Pepsi Challenge on that pussy-eating comment any day of the week (“No one can eat pussy like a woman”). I can get sworn statements, too. :)

  38. Personally, I believe it is all to do with the population of technology, marketed to the male of the species.

    Typically, men respond to visual imagery, being voyeuristic in nature, seeing two women in the act of sex is stimulating to the senses.

    Women on the other hand, do not usually respond so positively to visual stimulus so, it stands to reason that movie makers will cater to the prevailing market.

    It is true that women will form a closer bond with another woman and perhaps share touchy feely moments where this is almost aborrent to men, all to do with conditioning. Men are guided towards competion and macho pursuit, women are not.

    But of course, the exception proves the rule; I don’t mind either way and truly am bi.

  39. I have heard men were the original hunter gatherers and therefore quite often out on there own, hence better skills at direction(proven in university study). Women because of menstral cycles were left at base camp to develope language, music and more emotional bonds thus easier acceptance of sexual bond to same sex.

  40. Whether it be North America or anywhere else this statement is false.(it seems that women tend towards homosexuality/ bisexuality more than men) 1.4% of females to 2.8% of males, and it varies between decades.
    The porn industry is based on producing a product for the male population, I have actually seen a film (I can’t remember the title, I’m male and therefore I got bored very quickly with it) that was produced for the female customer, it showed a lot of verbal jousting and endless hours of foreplay, with little sexual contact until the end. BTW it was a flop, there just wasn’t the numbers of women into porn. Men are visual creatures, They see something they like and they go after it; women on the other hand are physical, if they feel loved, respected, protected, and appreciated, then they’re in heaven.
    Women are brought up with a touchy feely attitude, Your mother was the one that hugged you when you were small and skinned your knee; your father told you not to be a sook, that men don’t cry when they get hurt.( Something I have found as a big fat lie!) Women tend and nurture the family, both male and females and this has nothing to do with sex,(Women feel no more sexually attracted to another women who she kisses, than a man does when he shakes anothers hand) it’s comfort gathering, and reasuring for them mentally,and physically where as men are brought up to look at any sort of contact as threatening, letting another male into your personal space is seen as dangerous. The most you’ll get out of a man is a stiff handshake at arms length; to show any soft emotion is to show weakness, something your apponent will sieze apon and use to his advantage. (Something you may not know, the BOY Scouts shake with their left hand, this is so the right is unhampered in it ability to defend themselves with.)

    For two males have any sort of sexual relationship, then they have to give up the deeply ingrained values that have been shoved down their throats since childhood, and that is why most men can’t understand why gays are like they are,(To understand someone, you first have to put yourself in their shoes, they can certainly put themselve into the shoes of lesbians, and see what it is that they like about their relationship; but men aren’t about to go that far with a gay relationship.)

    Love is unisexual, it flows between the sexes with easy, the sexual act on the other hand isn’t, and it takes a special person to be comfortable with both.

    I’ll give a senario:- You see two teenage girls walking down the street hand in hand and laughing, You see two teenage boys walking down the same street laughing and pushing and shoving each other. Which of these teen couples are homosexual? Answer. Most likely neither, but if you were to swap the senario, and have the boys holding hands, and the girl pushing and shoving; then you’d be in your right to say the boys were gay.

    Tell me why, women can get away with anything a male does and yet a male gets snotted for even thinking about being even remotely feminine. If a male wears any sort of feminine attire he’s branded as a transvestite and shund be society, and yet women wear mens clothing all they like with impunity, and no scaring to her femininity. Men seen showing any sort of caring and tenderness is seen as weak, where women taking the dominant roll is seen as a self-assured and strong, a go getter.
    There are inequalities in life, and the one between the sexes is the most appauling of them all.
    Ian

  41. my wife of 11 years wants to eat a pussy from a petite young lady. when she was younger she had a threesome and swears she did’nt do anything with the woman but the woman ate her out. now why is she having these feelings?

  42. Brian i have the same thing happening and dont know why. But mine are telling me that she has never had anything done or she has never done anything to a female until lately. We have had a threesome and she says i caused her to be this way. Why would she feel like this now after almost 12 years.

  43. This is a social thing, having been overseas I can tell you men can be just a openly homosexual or bisexual as women but in America it is strongly discouraged. This is why its called hiding in the closet, they are afraid of the world around them reaction because they only know negativity towards homosexuality. They hide who they are because they are taught it is a bad thing.

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