Erotica Gatherer

Woman’s Perfect Day

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in….5 lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and fresh warm croissants; open presents-expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with Frangipani Bath Oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, make-up application, shampoo, condition and blow-wave
12:00 Lunch and perfectly chilled white wine with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 22 lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends: Unlimited Credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk – says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed with freshly ironed, crisp, white linens
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling but no sex
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

Man’s Perfect Day

6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow-job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the Sports section
7:00 Breakfast – steak and eggs, coffee and toast — all cooked by buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to airport
9:15 Private Lear jet flight
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow-job en route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch – steak and lobster, three beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
12:15 Blow-job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world-record Marlin (1,234 lbs) on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson
6:45 Shit, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news – Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner – lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy mouth-watering tender steak followed by ice cream served on big pair of tits
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing cold beer
11:30 Night-cap and blow-job
11:45 In bed…….alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note four times and forces dog to leave room
11:51 Laugh self to sleep