How to Save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ‘special services.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.

Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Bill Clinton

3 thoughts on “How to Save the Airlines”

  1. A splendid idea. I c an’t help but notice that you waited until Hillary will probably have AirForce 1 to fly in, leaving you with commercial flights – to show the public that the Clinton family isn’t wasting taxpayers money.

  2. That’s actually a very sensible solution to a very real problem. I know it would get me back on airplanes. Two airlines, Bordello and Chippindals (equality for either gender).
    Bob Coughlin

  3. I believe this idea has already been done as a private airline. I remember seeing it on some travel show, but have not been able to remember the name. It is probably no longer in service anyway.

Comments are closed.