Teatime love bite

woman almost bit off her husband’s willy as he cooked
pancakes for tea – while she gave him oral sex.

In the heat of passion, he lost his grip on the pan and
spilt boiling oil down her naked back.

She clenched her teeth on his willy and in agony he
bashed her on the head with the pan.

Both only admitted how they received their injuries
after “intense questioning” by the hospital docs in
Carioca, Romanian.

The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife
had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.

News from Denmark

A patient broke wind while having surgery and set fire to his genitals.

The 30-year-old man was having a mole removed from his bottom with an electric knife when his attack of flatulence was ignited by a spark. His genitals, which were soaked in surgical spirits, caught fire. The man, who is suing the hospital, said:

“When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell. Besides the pain, I can’t have sex with my wife.”

Surgeons at the hospital in Kjellerups said: “It was an unfortunate accident.”

Comparison

Two boys were skinny-dipping and the one couldn’t help noticing the size of the other’s manhood, so he asked, “How did ya get it that big?”
The other boy responded, “Well I rub it down every night with lard.”

Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again, there was a comparison made, with no results.

The first boy said, “I did what ya told me. Every night I have rubbed it down with Crisco.”

The other boy exclaimed, “Well, no wonder. That’s shortening.”

A marriage add

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had
no arms nor legs.

“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow said. “Just look at you — you have no legs!”

The old gentleman smiled, “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, “Are you still good in bed??”

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?”

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday…

Nudist colony

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half of the picture.

He is really worried when he realizes that he has sent the wrong half. But then he remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says:

“Thank you for the picture. You should change your hair style… it makes your nose look too short.”

Dentist Office…

An Old man has a bad tooth ache, he goes into the dentist office. The dentist brings him into the room and looks at the tooth, he tells the old man we cant fix it we need to pull it out! The dentist gets some novacane, the old man says I can’t take that…I am allergic to it! So the dentist leaves the room and comes back with some laughing gas…the old man says I can’t take that I am allergic to it! So the dentist is getting mad, leaves the room and comes back and sticks two pills in the old mans hand and says take these! The old man takes the pills and asks what were they? The dentist tells him it was Viagara! The old mans says Viagara??? the dentist says sure is…you are going to need something to hold onto while I pull your tooth out!

Great inventions

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven.

At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.”

So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang out with God.”

So the guy at the gates points God out to Ford.

When Ford gets to God, Ford asks, “Hey aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

God says, “Yes.”

“Well,” says Ford, “You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1) There is too much front end protusion
2) It chatters at high speeds
3) The rear end wobbles too much
4) and the intake is too close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmmmm..” says God, “hold on”.

So God goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results.

The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.

He then says to Ford, “It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

Public Nudity in the USA

Americans in the USA feel very uncomfortable when confronted with Nudity in public.

Despite the changed views on many aspects, Nudity is still a touchy matter with Americans of all ages. Many other activities that were once considered immoral are now accepted by the public like masturbation, premarital sex, and homosexuality.

We are very sophisticated today on many other topics but not Nudity. Commercial TV avoids nude scenes (prime time), nursing mothers must hide their breasts while feeding in public, and some universities removed from their art history classrooms reproductions of some nude paintings because professors insisted on being uncomfortable and even offended by it.

Public Nudity is illegal in most states in the USA today, but if it was legal would you go naked in public??

Why do women tend to be more bisexually oriented than men?

From personal observation in north American culture, it seems that women tend towards homosexuality/ bisexuality more than men.

Anybody that has ever seen an adult movie must have noticed that the vast majority of adult titles contain at least one scene where two or more women have some form of sex. Actually, if one judges solely by observing adult movies, one would get the impression that all human females are at least bisexual and very few men are bisexual or homosexual. Of course, I’m talking about adult movies that are targeted at heterosexual males (which make up the majority of adult titles for now).

Also, from personal observation of people that I’ve been in contact with, it seems that women tend to accept sexual contact with other women more easily than men accepting sexual contact with other men. In my personal circle of friends, I’ve seen quite a few times where women kiss each other on the lips. And I’m talking about women that are going out with guys. Yet, I’ve never seen two guys that are going out with women kiss each other on the lips. I’ve found it fairly easy so far to dare two women into kissing/fondling each other. I’ve never been able to get two men to come even close to doing that.

Why is that?

Is it because of the fundamental physical differences in male and female sexual practices? Or is it caused by the mental difference?

Being a heterosexual male, I cannot even try to imagine kissing another man on the lips, let alone actually do it.

Physically, when a woman has sex with another woman, it’s not that different from having sex with a man. Some activities will be missing, but no real foreign activities are introduced. When a woman is having sex with a man, the insertion of something into her body is a normal part of sex. So if a woman has sex with another woman, the insertion of fingers or toys is similar to having sex with a man.

But for a man to have sex with another man, a new completely foreign activity must be introduced to one of the participants. One of the men (normally) must accept the insertion of something into their body, which is not something that happens when having sex with a woman.

On the other hand, north American culture seems to be more accepting of female bisexuality than male bisexuality.

So, is it something physical, mental, or social that creates this difference between men and women’s acceptance of same sex contact?